Change Day 2.5

I'm behind by two posts which means I have three to do today. I think it might be considered cheating a bit but I don't mind.

So. Yesterday would have been my 7th wedding anniversary. And I went on my first date in 2.5 YEARS. 

Everything was eerily perfect according to his profile and our texts over three days.  We had more and more and more in common. It was great. I'm usually the type to text/talk for at least a week before meeting. My coworker mentioned it's definitely not too soon to meet in person this weekend- it's better to meet quickly so you don't waste any time in case it doesn't work. 

I agreed. We met at 10:30am for breakfast at my favorite place. He was never super attractive to me from his photos, but he wasn't so unattractive that I wouldn't continue talking to him; especially with all of the commonalities between us. I mean - he even agreed with the idea of living separately!!! And prefers fuller figured women!

The other hesitation was that he is a Leo. Say what you will about astrology- it has always been right on for me. I have been in two serious relationships with Leos and dated a few, and none were good. I was confused with this guy because his personality online seemed the complete opposite. I even doubted astrology, thinking, "I can't base my life decisions on this- keep an open mind," yadda yadda. 

We met. Wow- really blue eyes! Not super attractive but OK. I was really hopeful and had so many things to talk about- his interest in art, his home renovation, his love of music and body art and our shared roles in marketing and on and on. I'm a naturally curious person so I like asking questions. So we started talking and he said to the waitress "We're going to need a while-this is our first date!" Which was cute- I liked his confidence. 

I asked a question- he responded,

and responded, 

and responded.

I listened and listened, actively.

I have this thing where people say they feel like they can tell me anything. That's such a great compliment! 

Until it's not!

I got to the point of not asking any more questions to see what would happen. 

Does he want to know anything at all about me?

And if I really related to what he said and interjected my experience, he'd just glaze over it or keep talking. Even if it was a big thing to share, he'd just say, "yeah so when I....." and continue talking about himself!

But everything happens for a reason. I was really glad he felt so comfortable because I discovered his antiquated view of gender roles, his lack of sensitivity, empathy and compassion for people in general. Then there was cultural stereotyping, but in a subtle, white privileged way, and assuming I just would completely nod in agreement. Ex: He was saying that he tells his sister to eat all the time because she's rail thin and I jokingly asked him if he was Italian (eat! mangia!) and he looked at me like I offended him and said "no!"

He said, "I've dated a couple of women who had gastric bypass surgery and that is something I just can't handle. How do they expect a guy to be attracted to them when their bodies look like a melting candle. It's really unattractive." I mentioned my sister had that surgery and he just went on to his next story.

Another red flag...and actually yes, he did ask me one question come to think of it: "Do you have a wall built up? Please tell me you're not one of THOSE women who have walls built up because 'oh my ex did this or I went through this traumatic experience as a child.' Why can't women just move on?"

So the AC broke in the restaurant- thank all things holy- and he asked if I wanted to go hang out and chat some more. I lied and said I had a massage client. He mentioned how wonderful the date was and how the conversation was flowing and would I like to go on a second date. I hesitated and he was surprised. I said that I like to take things slowly so let me think about it but "maybe" lol. I'd never get out of there if I said no. When I got home from my "massage" I texted him and explained very nicely that there wasn't a connection due to different values. Lol

He never responded.

But two things: I am SO happy I met him sooner than later. And I am proud of myself for finally jumping back in! It just provides more clarity on what I do and don't want.

Behavior change: I have had a serious addiction to ice in the past six months or so, which I've never experienced previously. I'm not anemic (sometimes it's an issue with iron) and I have discussed it with my doctor who thinks it's PICA... when someone (usually children) crave and eat things that are typically not eaten (ice, hair, paste, soap, etc). Interesting because I ate two things when I was little that I should not have: the tips of matches (still remember the taste) and I also scraped gum off of the sidewalk/ground (yes already chewed, gross -  my mother always yelled at me lol) and eat it because of the crunchy dirt. Really crazy and yes probably dangerous lol. So I wonder if there's some sort of correlation there.