5.1

Tuesday

Saw Shannon (nutritionist) yesterday evening. Felt super guilty that I hadn't completed any blog posts from my 4th week visit with her (Wednesday, August 2 through Monday, August 7). Remember that list of items I had to do at work for the yearlong study project? Yeah it has kicked into high gear. So I didn't have time (or was too tired) to write.

During that week I noticed a bunch of patterns:

• My binges are at night, and having written my meals, I notice they are not so much with dinner (yes I overeat, but I feel in control of that) as they are with dessert (aka SUGAR).
• I visit the same place over and over, ordering the same foods over and over, until I move on to another place and food item.
• I eat multiples of things. Especially desserts. Saturday I ate 6 cinnamon donuts in a row. Sunday I ate 4 cinnamon donuts in a row. (Why cinnamon? I never order those!)
• I consistently do not take a lunch break (although I do order a sandwich every day). I always work while I eat and often I don't get to eat until 2 or 3pm because I'm so busy.
• I consistently stay late at the office, at least until 6:30, but more often until 7 or 8pm - and on Friday, I stayed until 11pm (!) trying to complete a last-minute "urgent" request so I didn't have to worry about it over the weekend and so it didn't cut into my other deadlines
• I consistently experience stress at work. The culture is fast-paced, high growth, so I don't quite know what "normal" stress is anymore since I've grown accustomed to a large workload and tight deadlines. The stress is not "I hate my job" stress though - which is really, really great. I enjoy what I do - it's just a lot.
• I consistently am exhausted on weekends because I run myself ragged during the week. My home, my cats, my sofa, my food, my sugar, my TV are my refuge. That is the only thing I have to look forward to...to "numb out" and do mindless things with zero deadlines or judgment.

Last week my homework was to switch it up just one day - stop at another place to eat - it doesn't matter what is ordered or where it is - just someplace different so you know that change is possible. I did that - I picked up Chinese food (wonton soup, spare ribs and chicken fried rice) on Saturday on my way home. Another day, I ordered an egg sandwich for dinner from Dunkin Donuts. She was super impressed with this - I really wasn't because I just switched out one horrible food place for another. But she said part of this process is to let go of the judgment of the type of food.

This week - because I have been eating Burger King Snickers pie slices (2 per day, but on Monday I ate 4!!!), she said I must really enjoy them. She wants me to write about my experience eating them but without placing judgment or saying they're "bad" etc. Just be mindful. So, remember "subjective" binging is what I have - and mainly with sugar - and definitely with these pies. I feel completely out of control with them. So, the purpose of writing about my experience eating them (every night), is to try to begin gaining a sense of control over it. That made sense to me.

Writing at night is difficult for me. Right now, it's my "lunch break" but everyone is out so it's quiet, and I prefer typing on my computer vs. phone. Maybe I simply have to make this a habit.

Ending on a positive is important she said, too.

During my one on one meeting last Wednesday with my boss, it was my quarterly check-in. I write everything I've accomplished in Q2, what went well, what didn't, if I met my goals, what are new goals, etc. My boss told me that she's really impressed with everything I'm doing. I never get involved in drama, I always deliver and on time, she can always depend on me when emergencies come up, and I always go above and beyond to help my team. There's a thing in the organizational development called the 9 box. My company relies on this and basically, your staff are each in one of the nine boxes which vary from "not performing well at all, cannot move forward" to "steady performer but nothing more" to "top performer, ready for promotion" - and she said that's where she put me this time, and that she wants to promote me in either October or beginning of 2018 (those times are when raises are budgeted), to Senior Content Marketing Manager - with a raise (woohoo!) and that in order to get permission, it had to be approved all the way to the CEO, and everyone completely agreed! So that was very, very nice to hear - especially having been (and being) under so much pressure.