Jennie-Inspired Confessions

After reading Jennie's most recent post, and a couple of Dana's, I wanted to share my deepest, darkest food secrets, not to commiserate or justify or compare, but rather as a gesture that "you're not alone in this".

I commented to Jennie that last night I ate two boxes of Sweet Freedom Sugar-Free ice cream cones (they're like Drumsticks but sugar-free and smaller). See, I've been on this LCHF diet - and it's been working VERY well. I've lost 25 pounds in fact. Finally...and I don't feel as disgusted and ashamed of myself as I had before. I currently weigh 221 pounds. That means I used to weigh 246 pounds. I never in my life thought I would ever weigh more than 200 pounds, so these numbers terrify me.

But still. I find ways to cheat. And because I can have X number of carbs per day, I stretch it a little...then a little more...with "sugar free" or "carb free" foods - until I'm out of control. I even drove out of my way because a particular store carried them. (Talk about addictive behavior.) Those two boxes totaled 1200 calories - and tons of sugar alcohols (which, as I said in Jennie's comment, gave me such a stomach ache!).

What I didn't tell Jennie was that I did the same thing the night before, and the night before that. I want to do it again tonight, but I am providing massage therapy to clients tomorrow and want my stomach to be OK while I'm doing it. I haven't done this before the past three days, and I'm not sure what triggered it. Is it a chemical/addiction thing? Or is it emotional (work stress/move stress/friend dying)? Who knows. But it was delicious. It comforted me. I fell in love with the sweet, creamy ice cream, the delicious, crunchy texture of the cone, lined with chocolate. The feeling of biting through the peanut coated chocolate shell around the ice cream was absolutely decadent. See what I mean? Food=love to me. Seriously.

One more confession: I started eating meat again. The reason I wasn't before was because of migraines (long story), but the diet I am on (low carb, high fat) was getting really difficult with only eggs and cheese as protein to eat. I desperately wanted variety. My diet consisted of vegetables, eggs, cheese, salads. That's it. And for someone who hates to cook - it was really making me consider cheating constantly. So I've started eating chicken every other day, and today I had tuna salad. No migraines so far, so I'll keep trying and seeing how it works out.

Eating meat (to me) isn't really a "confession" except that I know (at least two of) you ladies are vegan (or mostly) and I was vegetarian for a pretty long time. In my experience (thankfully neither of you are this way), vegans are die-hard about their lifestyle and can be very judgmental so for some reason (due to insecurities I'm sure), it's hard to admit. There is also guilt. I feel guilty and torn about the fact that while I love animals, I'm eating murdered ones. If I loved them, why would I eat them? On the other hand, I love plants, (I personally feel that they're very much sentient beings, too) but I also eat them. I know it sounds odd - but it's something I think about. Is all of this just a fact of life, or, rhetorically speaking, is there truly a right or wrong here?

Anyway, there ya have it! Feels good getting that out, I must say!