Hating hate

Sometimes people's hatred is too much for me to handle. Too much for me to even understand. Why does it affect me so deeply? And why for nearly my entire life? I swear it has to be past life related, or at least due to something larger than myself, because I can't control it, nor would I wish the repercussions of it on anyone. 

For years I've actually been quite silent on issues of race. I think because I was terrified of revisiting the exact feelings I'm going through now. 

Maybe it's because I'm 40 and don't care what people think anymore. Maybe it's because of all of the senseless deaths and brutality over the past few years. I don't know. But I tell you: Facebook has been a driving force in revealing the true colors of people. And although it seems terrible at the time - discovering the disappointment that someone you thought you knew so well is not who you thought they were at all - in the end it is a blessing. The truth is always better, even if it hurts. 

But there is no gray area or middle road for me at that point. Why? Why am I so easily able to throw the baby out with the bath water and cut ties forever? Truly, it could be my sister and I would easily never speak to her again. 

I become filled with rage at the thought that people can  comfortably express or condone their hatred for something out of someone's control. I don't care how old you are, where you grew up, how much money you have, if you're famous, a friend, family or foe. Nothing justifies it. And there's always that one person or people who feel the need to defend the other person. "They mean well." Or, "You're overreacting."

Bullshit. We all (barring certain disabilities) have the ability to choose how we live our lives. We all, at some point, arrive at a crossroads of either blaming the bad things about us on what our parents taught us, or recognizing that we can choose a different path and actually doing so. If you choose the former, it is not my responsibility to teach you how to reverse all of that so that you feel justified in your hatred and comfortable with your ignorance.